No one begins their married life expecting it to end in a divorce. And yet it happens to 40 to 50 percent of all couples that marry. When divorce happens, it can be devastating and difficult to deal with in a mature fashion. While an amicable separation is the ideal, is this possible to hope for when you are feeling anger and hurt toward your soon-to-be ex-spouse?
The answer is yes, you can have an amicable divorce. There are steps you can take that will minimize the negative impact and help you both recover, heal, and move on. Focus on what is under your control by taking these steps.
Get outside help.
The first step in keeping a divorce from going sour involves getting legal help right away. You may be tempted to put it off, but doing so only hurts you in the long run. This is especially true if you have children. To keep small issues from snowballing, use mediation advises one Denver law firm. Mediation and an outside presence can help you both behave better during this time. Choosing the right attorney can keep the process moving forward. You want someone who can keep you both on track and agreeing to the important things in a calm and orderly manner.
Go to counseling.
Counseling provides a safe space where you can grieve and heal without straining the other relationships in your life. While venting to a family member or a best friend is often a first source of comfort, doing so too often can put a strain on them. Counselors and therapists are trained to help people work through divorce issues. Being able to be totally honest with your counselor will help you deal with your emotional pain in a healthy way. Understanding the cause of why your marriage ended will help you learn and grow and be better equipped for your next relationship.
Protect your children.
No matter how tense and unpleasant the situation may be between your ex-spouse and you, focus on protecting your children. Even if it means swallowing your hurt and pride and putting on a brave face while in front of the kids. You can have that crying jag in your therapist’s office, or with your bestie. But right now, your kids need to feel secure and stable. And seeing you breakdown will not do this. Focusing on staying upbeat and positive for your kids will give you something else to focus on outside of your own turmoil.
Be kind to yourself.
Granted, you are going to have rough days. And at such times, just getting through each day can feel like a feat. It is not realistic to expect to be a pillar of strength for your children all the time. Remember, you are not a failure because you had a bad day. Cut yourself some slack. Right now, you need to focus on healing and recovering. Acknowledge the effort it takes to start anew. And try not to overextend yourself while you sort through your emotions and re-establish your life.
Rely on your support network.
Everyone has one, though often people do not realize they do. Your support network are those people who you can call at most any time of the day, and you know they will drop everything to help. Friends, parents, siblings… If you feel that they are keeping their distance, it may only be because they are uncertain of what to say or do to help matters. Set up a weekly call or a regular touch base time. Having weekly appointments with friends and family will show you that there are people in your life who do care, and that you are not alone. Your friends and family and those that you have supported over the years will be happy to help you through this difficult time.